Anyone who watches The Colbert Report with any frequency knows of the man’s hatred of the Ursine’s. They regularly top The Threat Down as the #1 threat. It seems his thinking isn’t all that far off if…you are are a child, and you make fun of bald people.
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The Christian god apparently feels that being mauled and eaten by a bear is an appropriate punishment for making fun of the chrome domes. As stated in the second book of Kings 2:23-24:
2:23 And he [Elisha] went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.
2:24 And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.
Really? What the hell. So killing 42 children by having them gruesomely torn apart by a couple of bears is punishment fit for the crime of calling out someone’s baldness? Elisha needs to get some cojones and man up. I mean, if you can’t handle some kids making fun of your receding hair line then you need to just find a hut, park your ass, and never go outside again.
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Heh. Quoting Old Testament to Christians seems kind of pointless since stories like this only serve to show how harsh things were for mankind before Jesus’ death on the cross. It’s akin to making fun of old laws that were repealed long ago. But to play along… The copy I have, which is apparently from 1984 and was supposed to be based on the most accurate translations available at the time, says “youths”, not “children”, and “mauled” instead of “tare” (a verb that seems to be so ancient I can’t find a good definition). So as far as I can tell, it’s talking about a gang of high-school-aged kids, and it doesn’t say they were killed. And of course, this is taken completely out of context. This follows right after a story about Elisha fixing the water supply for a city that was obedient to God. It’s basically a cautionary tale for those (of Old Testament times) that were disrespectful and disobedient to God. The notes in the edition I have say:
Since Bethel was the royal cult center of the northern kings and Elijah and Elisha were known to frequent Samaria (perhaps even as their main residence), the youths from Bethel no doubt assumed that Elisha was going up to Samaria to continue Elijah’s struggle against royal apostasy. (Some believe that the youths, in their mocking, were telling Elisha to ascend to heaven as Elijah had done.) Baldness was uncommon among the ancient Jews, and luxuriant hair seems to have been viewed as a sign of strength and vigor. By calling Elisha “baldhead,” the youths from Bethel expressed that city’s utter disdain for the Lord’s representative, who, they felt, had no power. Elisha pronounced a curse similar to the covenant curse of Lev 26:21-22. The result gave warning of the judgement that would come on the entire nation should it persist in disobedience and apostasy. Thus Elisha’s first acts were indicative of his ministry that would follow: God’s covenant blessings would come to those who looked to him, but God’s covenant curses would fall on those who turned away from him.
The referenced Lev 26:21-22 quote above (out of context) is:
“‘If you remain hostile toward me and refuse to listen to me, I will multiply your afflictions seven times over, as your sins deserve. I will send wild animals against you, and they will rob you of your children, destroy your cattle and make you so few in number that your roads will be deserted.’”
That is fine and all. Though you assume your translation is correct and mine isn’t (I made the same assumption). Either way the point is the Christian God is about as evil as one could find. Regardless of whether or not he killed them or just maimed/mauled them, regardless of whether or not they were children, teens, or adults it seems pretty harsh to send bears after anyone.
The continual dismissing of Old Testament scripture is disingenuous at best. But the real problem is Old Testament is only ignored or swept under the rug, or re-interpreted when the thing happening in any particular passage is abhorrent. But when it aligns with current day Christian agenda then it is “the word of God and should be take literally.”
You can’t (or shouldn’t be able to) have it both ways.
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